Just Is

October 12th, 2022

Have you ever had a moment, where you realized wanting to end isn’t normal. 

People don’t wake up wishing for an accident.

Life drives everything, the reason behind every emotion and the purpose of every action.

And yet.

When I look at my arms, it’s wishing there were more scars.

When I pause to take a breath, the thoughts creep in that I’m not worth it. 

Every day there’s the underlying thought that maybe it’s today.

Maybe today I don’t have to go to sleep knowing tomorrow is more of the same, more of the constant ache in my chest and the hope that something somewhere will take the time to end me.

Maybe today it’ll stop hurting.

Some days it feels that the only way to stop the pain is to stop my heart. 

But I’m still here. 

The only reason I’m not a log in a morgue’s notes is my friends. 

They took the time to say something, and they still take the time to say something. 

You may be lucky enough not to have these thoughts.

But the question you should be asking yourself is, who do you know who does?