Memory

June 12th, 2023

It’s so cute.

Watching you replace me.

Seeing notifications for co-op games we used to play come up for me, knowing you’re playing with someone else.

How do they feel knowing they’re a replacement? 

That you’re filling the hole of 3 AM video calls, weekend long text conversations that never ended, planned visits months in advance and emotional confessions.

I was there for so long, and I loved all of you.

But you couldn’t love me.

Just the utility, the enablement, the satisfaction. 

You loved that I made you feel better, that I was there as a fallback every time your relationship failed.

Because it did, every time.

You crawled out every time and I was there to hold you. 

Now you’re being held by someone else.

Maybe they’ll make you happy, because I couldn’t.

But 

     Even

             Now

                     I

                      Miss 

                             You 

And I hate that about myself.