It’s been a lot recently. We’ve created a board of mental health references that we have on the wall next to our bed. Motivational quotes, concepts to support us, concepts to be aware of, how to encourage healthy habits and discourage unhealthy ones. It’s a long list of work that’s going to repeat and evolve for the foreseeable future.
We’re scared. We want so badly for this to work, and we’re scared it isn’t going to. We’re tired of constantly being on edge, overthinking every word that passes our lips and every thought that crosses our mind. We want to be secure and safe in our own head. Just as much, we want to be secure and safe in our relationships. We don’t want to be plagued by a constant barrage of paranoia. Worried our people are just tolerating our existence in their lives, that they’re just following the fake-it-till-you-make-it mentality when it comes to us…
We have to have trust. Not just in them, but in ourselves as well. We have to trust the idea that we’re worth this, that we deserve to love ourselves and be loved. We have to trust that we can do this, grow and develop and evolve to the point where we don’t remind people of our past mistakes and create a life we can be proud of and secure in. That’s one of the greatest exercises of all. To build trust and love where there is none, and watch the tiny fragile roots take root and slowly swell, until they explode into a vibrant network of life and beauty.
We want to be able to say “I love you” without worrying they doubt it. To touch them without fearing that they’ll recoil. To have that sense of emotional depth and vulnerability we’ve always daydreamed about. To be truly secure and safe, happy in the relationship and happy with ourselves. We want to be committed to our relationships, to watching them grow and develop and flourish into something new and beautiful.
So we will. It’s going to happen. It’s already happening. We can’t wait to see what happens next. Because no matter what, it’ll be worth the work.
Leave a Reply