Occasionally on Facebook, those posts where you’re supposed to compare old and new profile pictures come up in the timeline. At this point in time, they make me think: While you can show the physical development, how do you show the emotional and mental development over the years?
That’s where writing comes in, at least here. Through ink on parchment (or the digital equivalent) we can actually log the changes, and go back through previous records to see what changes and developments there have been over the years. This blog is the most cohesive attempt yet.
I’m attempting to work through my perfectionism, my need to be seen as completely competent and capable. Because no single human is. There is no being that is perfectly capable of functioning solo, especially in a social species such as our own. To have success, to be able to make progress, both internally and externally, there need to be others involved.
That doesn’t mean to put all the weight and expectations on them. This isn’t a statement saying that broken individuals, those working through their trauma, need people to carry them through. It’s that they need people by their side, those who are willing to listen to them as they work through the webs they’ve wound themselves in. It isn’t easy to cut yourself out of a spider web. It clings and restricts your movement, and the harder you fight the tighter it clings. But if someone on the other side is helping pull you out, that can make the process smoother. But you have to put effort in too, or they’ll just burn out trying to set you free.
I don’t want to burn out the people who’ve stayed. To do that, however, I need to put in the effort as well. So I am working to do that. Because I want to be better for the people I love, the people I care about. And maybe eventually I’ll learn how to love myself as well.
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